The Epic Birth Story of Angelina Caeli

Angelina is sleeping next to me in the boppy and my mom and sister took Avé & Matthew to My Gym, so I'm going to attempt to write her birth story. I will warn you, it is epically long! 

I'm starting on Sunday, because that is when I felt emotionally the labor began. After Mass that day Justin went golfing and I was going to meet my mom and sister at Target. We got out of Mass at 1 and I was there by 1:20. At 1:40 I still hadn't heard from my mom, and when they finally did call about 10 minutes later she said they were just leaving, and asked if I minded running in to look for the dress that she wanted to buy. I hung up the phone and started crying. I was so sore, my hips were killing me, we didn't have the double stroller so I would have to get a 1 year old and a 2 year old out of the car by myself and load them up in the cart and everything. I was feeling so tired and achey and overwhelmed and I just felt like I needed HELP, and there was no one to help me. And most of me felt totally ridiculous because really? Taking them out of the car and pushing a cart around Target should NOT be a herculean effort. But I was 40+ weeks pregnant and just barely hanging on at that point.

Anyway, after I cried I sucked it up and loaded them in the cart and pushed them around. Due to a miscommunication, my mom and sister ended up going to a DIFFERENT Target, which we didn't discover until another 40 minutes into me walking them all around Target. I felt like crying again, but the little ones were being so good and I figured walking wasn't going to do me any harm (except make me feel like my hips were breaking), so I decided to grab a frappuccino so that the trip to Target wasn't a total waste. I got my caramel frap and some snacks for the kids, loaded them back up in the car by myself, and headed to my parents around 3.

We had a nice dinner over there, and joked about the chocolate cream pie my mom made kick-starting my labor that night. I had had no signs of anything except for stronger braxton hicks all day. But, I had had those for at least 4-5 days prior to this too, and they would just come and go. On the drive home Justin was in the volvo and I was driving the expedition, and as we were heading down I-4 I just lost it again. I was envisioning the week stretched out ahead of me, nothing planned because the baby was supposed to be here already; I was 41 weeks pregnant tomorrow according to the ultrasound and 40+1 according to my ovulation date, so either way I looked at it I was overdue. The physical strain was just too much, I felt like I had been waiting so patiently and it looked like nothing was happening.

This song was on the radio and it was what made me cry, the refrain goes like this:

Hey now, this is my desire
consume me like a fire
'cause I just want something beautiful to touch me
I know that I'm in reach
'cause I am down on my knees
waiting for something beautiful.

I felt so.. I don't know. Like I was waiting and waiting for this beautiful gift and it was never going to come. I wanted labor to start and I wanted it to consume me so we could meet our beautiful baby. I felt so ready, and I didn't know why it had to drag on so long, I was praying and saying "Why God, what do you want from me? I feel ready, why am I not ready?? I could have had this baby weeks ago and now both of my due dates are gone and I guess I am still not ready. Please let me know what I need to do to be ready for the baby, I just want to see the beautiful end of this, and be able to go back to taking care of my other children and being "normal" again."

So, yeah, I cried until we got home and then I stopped, we put the kids to bed, and then we went and got ready for bed, too.

Around midnight baby got hiccups (normal) and I flipped open my laptop and laid around for a while waiting for them to stop. She always hiccupped really vigorously in the womb and she would smack right up against my hip bones or my pelvis or whatever and it was super uncomfortable. Around 1 I started feeling like I had to pee (again.. normal) so I went, and when I wiped, there was pink mucous on the paper.

That is when I made the lj entry b/c I was excited! Normally people get discharge like that during pregnancy but you could throw me off a building when I'm pregnant and I wouldn't spot. I figured it must mean something was happening, so I got back in bed all excited.

I noticed that the braxton hicks were coming in more of a pattern, and some of them were starting to intensify. I decided to sleep through them figuring I'd wake up in labor. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned and around 3 decided I couldn't sleep anymore, so I opened up the laptop again and started timing them on contraction master. I timed them until 4:30a.m. when I was soooo tired I was dozing off with my eyes closed the whole time, and when I would time them I'd forget to push start/stop at the right time. They were coming anywhere from 3-7 minutes apart. Some of them were very intense, and some were very mild. They were finally close enough that I thought I should wake up Justin.

I woke up Justin and told him I thought I was in labor. He jumped up out of bed and got dressed (lol!) and then sat on the yoga ball and started timing them for me. Whenever I would get up to go pee or anything, they would taper off to about 10 minutes apart. I tried bouncing on the yoga ball and that made them let up, too. It was so weird. If I laid in bed and relaxed they would return to coming every 5ish minutes. Around 5 a.m. we called my parents and told them we thought I was in labor so they should head over. They got here around 5:30 and by then I was feeling really frustrated because the contractions were spacing out again to like 5-10 minutes apart. Also, half of them were intense and half were really mild. Justin called our midwife, Michelle, and I got on the phone with her and told her what was going on (since he was making it sound like we needed to come in and I was feeling like it was NOT time yet); she said wait a little until they were all more intense.  

At 6 they were back to 10-15 minutes apart, and I was extremely grumpy, extremely frustrated, and extremely TIRED having not slept a wink all night. I told Justin I was just going to sleep, and he probably should too. He was really disappointed and that just pissed me off!! Lol. Anyway he got back into bed with me and we slept until about 8:30.

At 8:30 I woke up to a painful one, and then laid around until 9 and they were still maybe 10 minutes apart. So, not close together but very uncomfortable. The yard guy got here and wanted to mow the lawn and Justin disappeared until about 9:30. He also asked him to come back a different day because I was so grumpy ("NO tell him to leeeave, he is gong to wake the kids up, and wake up my sister and parents, and everyone is sleeping and I don't want them to wake up yet," whine whine rawr etc). While he did that I laid around in bed in tears because I didn't know WTF my body was doing, I figured this could be early labor and it was going to last for days, I was doing some more "WHY GOD WHY," and then I decided that I was going to the birth center to get checked out anyway. If there was nothing they could do I was going to tell them to send me to the hospital and give me the pitocin and the epidural, whatever, I just wanted it over and the baby out. And then I was bummed b/c it was NOT fair that I was not going to get my birth center birth, etc.

Justin came back in and got me my phone, and I called over to heart 2 heart and told them what was going on. They told me to come on in to be checked, so I got up, put on one of Justin's old baseball shirts and some soffees and threw my hair into a ponytail. My face was all puffy from crying and I just felt like total crap. During the contractions the night before I had gotten REALLY dizzy, like, my eyes were closed but the room was still spinning like crazy to me the whole time. When I woke up I had a horrible headache and I could barely open my eyes - so I was a little worried that something else might be going on that was making me feel so terrible.

We got to heart 2 heart at 10, and the student midwife took me back to one of the birth rooms. It was very dark and quiet and I had some contractions in the car and while we were there. I was feeling so discouraged, I knew I probably wasn't dialated very far, there was nothing they could do for me, and I just wanted to cry. In fact I did cry! I described what was happening to Michelle and Misti (the student midwife) and they were kind of like "Oh well, discharge like that is normal... just cervical fluid.. the contractions are only 10 minutes apart? Yeah so that is not labor yet.." I wanted to die. Then they offered to check me and I agreed - MIsti did and she said I was "3-4 centimeters and 50% effaced". She made a motion to Michelle with her hand, which I didn't know at the time but it meant I was a good 4cm and she could actually (easily) stretch me further.  

They also checked to see if my water had broken because I had been feeling small gushes, but determined that I was intact. So, after that we sat for al little bit and they were kind of "hmmm"-ing. They told me they'd give me some black & blue cohosh homeopathic thing, which I asked about (since I heard b&b cohosh can affect the baby's heart rate, etc). They explained it was the actual herb strained out so it was just the properties of it, in essence a very very mild version of traditional black & blue cohosh (homeopathic, not herbal?) and it was not associated with those same affects, unless I were to take it a multiple times a day for like weeks in a row. They said if I was truly in labor it would help the contractions pick up and get a better pattern, and if I wasn't it wouldn't do anything.

As I was leaving, I must have looked very discouraged because Michelle came back out and was like, "We are all taking bets as to when you will be back. We think you'll go really fast once you get into active labor." and I was like, "Oh.. really?" Justin said "Do you think it will be today?" and she said, "Well my guess is definitely within the next 24 hours.. and I am usually right!" but I kind of laughed it off because I figured she was just saying that to make me feel better. Obviously there is no way anyone knows for sure.. but I did feel a little better know they thought I would be back. She then said, "Lynn, you could stay here if you wanted to. It is up to you. Or just stay close - why don't you head over to the riverfront, have some lunch, take a stroll and look at the boats, sit on a bench swing and see what your contractions do." We looked at each other and said "Sounds great!"

We got into the car and I was like, "Oh good thing I grabbed my make up bag.. and good thing you brought the baby bag!" I finally felt excited like labor might be happening today. (Justin kept saying, "Its ok, you are just grumpy because you are in labor." and I'd say, "No, I'm grumpy because I'm not IN labor yet and I WANT to be!" I didn't feel like the early labor was the "real" labor yet like I had experienced last time with Matthew). We headed over to downtown Sanford and ate at a little cafe we like. I had some soup since I was hungry but not super starving, and my contractions really picked up in intensity. We were trying to time them but the website wasn't working well from our phone and the app wouldn't download right. I texted my sister and said I'd be surprised if there was no baby today because things were really picking up! We finished up and I told Justin we should hurry up and do some walking because they were starting to feel really strong.

We started walking around, first up and down by all of the shops, trying to stay underneath the awning because it was about 11:30 and really hot already. We walked down by the marina and looked at the sailboats, and sat on the swings for a bit and walked along the river side. We couldn't get the contraction timer to work, and they were spacing themselves back out again as I walked - back to every 10ish minutes. I was SOOOOOO sad and frustrated, it was really freaking hot. I was doing the b&b cohosh doses and at first it felt like it was helping but then they went back to being irregular. Justin suggested we go home so he could download the contraction app, and I wanted to cry again. I was like, "What are we going to do at home?? I feel like I'm supposed to be DOING something to make these consistent!" so he was like, "Well, we could go walk on the treadmills at the gym since it is so hot out.. want to do that?" and I was like, "No!" :) Oh how difficult I was, haha. I was just so frustrated. Finally I said, "Fine, I guess I'll just go home and take a nap." I felt like I was admitting failure. So, back in the car we got and we went home.

We got home around 12:30 and I immediately went into the room to lay down and take a nap. My mom and sister had A & M back in their rooms so they didn't see me (I didn't feel like I could deal with them wanting to see me/hold them and the pain of the contractions). Justin helped them load up in the car and they took them to the mall for some shopping and playing. I dozed off for about 45 minutes, and woke up to more contractions. Justin got the app working and we started timing them about 1:30. They went like this (start at the bottom):


StartTime EndTime Duration Frequency Note
14:52:07 14:52:33 00:26 3m, 10s  
14:48:56 14:49:52 00:56 4m, 18s  
14:44:37 14:45:28 00:51 3m, 15s  
14:41:22 14:42:44 01:22 4m, 12s  
14:37:09 14:37:54 00:45 5m, 10s  
14:31:58 14:33:02 01:04 3m, 15s  
14:28:42 14:29:38 00:56 2m, 50s  
14:25:52 14:26:46 00:54 4m, 32s  
14:21:20 14:22:29 01:09 8m, 51s  
14:12:28 14:13:46 01:18 3m, 19s  
14:09:09 14:09:22 00:13 1m, 15s  
14:07:53 14:09:08 01:15 6m, 19s  
14:01:34 14:02:51 01:17 4m, 24s  
13:57:10 13:58:12 01:02 3m, 42s  
13:53:27 13:54:16 00:49 5m, 54s  
13:47:33 13:49:10 01:37 4m, 57s  
13:42:36 13:43:35 00:59 6m, 30s  
13:36:05 13:37:32 01:27 4m, 5s  
13:32:00 13:32:27 00:27 1m, 57s  
13:30:02 13:30:49 00:47 3m, 40s  
13:26:21 13:27:19 00:58 2m, 36s  
13:23:45 13:24:28 00:43 4m, 53s  
13:18:51 13:20:18 01:27 5m, 57s  
13:12:53 13:13:48 00:55 3m, 16s  
13:09:37 13:10:21 00:44 ---  


During that hour they were starting to pick up - they were FINALLY moving from the "really uncomfortable" stage to "painful and I have to breathe through them" stage. FINALLY. I was like, "Ok, this IS doing something real!" We decided to get in the car to go to the birth center, because I didn't want to wait too long like I did with Matthew and get there too late to enjoy the hot tub. I was a little worried that with me getting up and moving to the car they would stop again, but I figured if they did we could just drive around. I went to the bathroom before we left and noticed bloody show - YES!

We got to the birth center by 3, and headed back - all of the rooms were empty and we chose the one we had been in that morning. Justin noted it looked like a cave - all dark with beautiful scrolling paintings on the wall, and it had a tub in the corner of the room and a bed in the center. It felt like the right one - quiet, dark, soothing. I mentioned I wanted to get in the tub, and they said they'd check me and I had to be at least a 6 before I could get in. She checked me and I was 6-7cm, 80% effaced, and she could stretch me further! Woo-hoo, active labor it was, I could get in. Misti started the tub water and then left, and Justin helped me get on my swimsuit top and took a few last belly pictures. I labored through a few contractions standing up with Justin, and discovered it felt really good if he put pressure on my sacrum during a contraction.  

Michelle came through and I asked if I could get in - she said, yup! so I got into the water and it felt soooo good. All day even between contractions I still had an aching feeling throughout my body and cramping that felt like period cramps so the warm water immediately took away all of that. My joints felt better, the pressure lightened up immensely - it was soooo relaxing. I was able to really, really relax between contractions. I was in the tub for about an hour, riding out the contractions which were slowly getting stronger and stronger, and enjoying relaxing in the water in between.  

After that hour I found I was starting to get shaky. I also started to moan through the contractions. The midwives were quietly coming in and out of the room periodically, and when Misti came in around then she went and got Michelle - they came back and were like, "What are you doing, trying to have a baby without us?" :) they were teasing because I was moving so quickly (although it didn't feel quick at the time!) My arms were shaking even between contractions and I suddenly felt really hot and started dripping with sweat on my forehead. I decided to get out of the tub for a bit and in the back of my mind I figured I was approaching transition. The midwife suggested I try peeing, so I hobbled over and peed and then came back and stood next to the bed. Justin was there and I would lean over in his arms during a contraction and let him support all of my weight. I started "ohhhh ohhhh owwwwww"-ing my way through them, and the midwife came over to check the heart tones. She told me to concentrate on the vibrations from my voice during the contractions, and I tried to do that. She had me lay on my left side so she could try to find the heartbeat, and I had a couple of contractions while she did that. Justin took pics:

After she had listened to the heartbeat, I knelt on the bed and put my arms around Justin's shoulders so he could hold me during the contractions. I could tell it was getting close but not there yet, and that point was SO HARD. I was thinking in the back of my mind, "Why did I choose this?? I want to be numb from the waist down! What the heck was I thinking!!" I didn't say it out loud though. It hurt sooo much, I could feel the baby moving down, it felt like my tailbone was being separated from my body and my hips were feeling all kinds of intense pressure and pain. I kept trying to avoid thinking of it as pain. During the contractions I'd "owwwww" or say "baby baby baby" to remind myself that a baby was coming. I remember Justin had been telling me to "Breathe in, breathe out the pain" and I told him to STOP, I couldn't do ANYthing during a contraction but focus on the pain - breathing like that was not helping anymore. I asked him to tell me, "You're ok! Its ok, you are ok" during them and that helped. I'd tell myself "You're ok you're ok" and he would say it too and it made me believe I was not, in fact, dying.

We did that for a while and I started feeling just so much more sharp pain in my hips and tailbone, so I decided to get back in the water because I remembered how that eased all of the pressure. I got in and it did help a lot, and then they got REALLY bad. I was just saying "ow ow ow ow owwww!!!!" and moving in the water and trying to make it better, and nothing was working. I remember Justin saying to the midwife at one point, "I feel so bad, I hate seeing her in pain." They were telling me all kinds of encouraging things, and I was just so overcome by the pain I could hardly hear them. They would say, "You are doing a great job! You're a pro! Awesome!" And I remember thinking "Are you kidding me?? I am just barely surviving! How is that awesome!" My eyes were closed and I also remember thinking "Now I know why they give women a stick or something to bite on!!" b/c I just felt so "AHHH!" about it. I also said (out loud) "Oh man, I am NEVER doing this again." And then I started to feel like maybe it was time to push.

I did some little pushes without telling anyone and the midwife was like "Are you pushing??" I said yes, and she said, "Well let me check you really quick just to make sure it is ok so you don't do any damage if you aren't fully there yet." I laid back in the water which totally sucked, I preferred to be on my knees with my arms hanging over the side. She checked me and I had just an anterior lip left, so she told me I needed to wait a few contractions before pushing so I could finish dialating. She did try to see if she could push it out of the way during a contraction, but that HURT so I asked her (yelled?) "Stop please, no, I can't!!" and she did. So, then I moved back into leaning over the side of the tub so I could let my body finish dialating. That was HORRIBLE. I rode out 5-6 contractions like that, and then I just HAD to push, so I started with little pushes and then after a few of those I started pushing for real. Misti asked if I was pushing again, I said yes, and she asked if I could feel the baby's head. I reached down and felt and said, "yup!" so she told me to go ahead and push.

It was really cool being able to feel the baby while I was pushing. They had asked me when I was at that stage with Avé and Matthew if I wanted to feel it and I was too freaked out to. This time I had no choice because I was positioned in the corner of the tub, with my arms on the ledge leaning forward. I started pushing at 4:45. I did a few pushes and could feel the very smooth, round head of the baby and I remember saying, "Baby feels bald!" all of a sudden baby was crowning, and the next second I felt a pop and something bursting. I remember yelping (Justin's description) and saying, "OHMYGOD, I TORE!!" I paused and the head was still cradled in my hands, and then I felt a little bit and could tell that while there was some stinging, I could still feel my skin and I wasn't torn in half like I thought. Then I was like, "Oh wait, never mind, no I didn't!" and continued pushing. Another push or two and her head was out.

After her head came out, I expected the shoulders to come out smoothly. I had a long break where I was just breathing, not really feeling any pain, and then I could feel her feet kicking and some wiggling and I was like, "Oh ow ow ow I feel her moving." The midwives reminded me that she was supposed to be moving - turning. It started to feel like my hips were breaking and she was just STUCK. Everyone (the 2 midwives and Justin) started telling me to change position and turn over on my back. Justin said I was like huddled in the corner going, "Nope! I can't! Not moving! NOPE!" He was about to jump in and help me turn, but then one of the midwives grabbed one arm and he put his arm behind me and held one of my legs and they helped me turn onto my back. I remember one of the midwives saying, "Ok, well you HAVE to," and I was like, "mean!" but I turned over. Once I got on my back I said, "Oh ok, ok, this isn't too bad." Then I had a contraction and I was trying to push, and it HURT, I was yelling OW OW IT HURTS OWWW! and one of the midwives put her hand down and I screamed, "Stop! It feels like you are pushing the baby back in! STOP!" and she stopped and said, "Believe me, I am not doing that!! I'm trying to get the baby OUT!" her shoulders were a little bit stuck. She had to wiggle them loose and that REALLY hurt, I was yelling and it felt like I had a million hands in me and a huge baby stuck and then suddenly she was free, they told me to open my eyes and like a very surreal moment there was a baby in the water coming right to my chest!

I turned her to face me and she opened her eyes and blinked and just stared at me. She had a lot of vernix and was not crying at all. Michelle grabbed the CO2 and held it in front of her nose, and we jiggled her and patted her encouraging her to cry. After a few minutes she finally started crying/making noises, and I kind of breathed a sigh of relief. Michelle said, "there he goes!" and I said, "Is it a boy??" (and thought it could be because of all the dark hair like Matthew) and she looked at me and said "I have no idea!" They checked and Justin said, "it is a girl!" and we laughed and were like, we KNEW it!!!  

I held her on my chest while we waited for the cord to stop pulsing and we stared at each other some more. I was SO glad it was over and SOOOO tired! :) After the cord stopped, Justin cut it and took her so I could birth the placenta, which came out really easily. The midwives helped me to the bed, and they checked me for tears - nothing! and got me comfortable with some juice and then Justin handed her to me to nurse and have some skin to skin time.

Afterwards both of our families came in, my parents and Sara had Avé and Matthew, and Justin's mom and sister were there too. Justin went to get me pancakes from Denny's (my choice) and everyone just ooooh-ed and ahhhhhh-ed over her. Avé got to hold her and was THRILLED to death. Matthew just wanted to hug me (both of which made my heart melt). A few hours later, my parents took the little ones home to put to bed, and Justin and I loaded up our brand new baby in the car and headed home, where I placed her in his arms and went to bed and passed out. I was soooooo tired!!

So, we are home now and so far she is the most content, mellow baby EVER! Somehow I got blessed with a newborn who will sleep longer than 1-2 hours at a time (the most my others would sleep). She slept 6 hours the first night, 7 the second, and then 4-5 from there on out. Her cord fell off today (6 days old!) and, I don't know, she just fits our family so well. It feels like she was always here! I am so content to just hold her and stare at her. We had some trouble nursing (just sore boobs) so I went and saw the LC at heart 2 heart when she was 3 days old and she helped us immensly. It is funny that she is my third and I still needed help! I guess it just shows they are all different. She overall is a great little nurser though, and it is finally starting to not hurt quite so much, so hopefully that will subside soon.

Our families have been great; my mom and Sara kept A & M Monday and Tuesday, and then Wednesday my mom left (she had to work and stuff) and Sara stayed until Friday and took them to the park Weds, and My Gym Thursday and Friday so that I could stay home and rest and stare at my baby. She cleaned everything up, did laundry while they napped, and baked chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes from scratch on Friday. I love my little sis <3. My mom's group was wonderful and organized someone to bring us meals all this week and next week so we haven't had to worry about dinner. Tomorrow is Memorial Day and Justin has off, and then Tuesday will be my first day alone with all 3. My mom has the next 2 weeks off though so I think she will come over some days. Although she has a torn ligament in her shoulder, so she can't do much (she only has use of one arm right now!) but it is still nice to have someone here.

Avé and Matthew have been adjusting really well. They LOVE her. I love, love, love watching them together. It makes the whole sucky end of pregnancy and painful delivery SO worth it. Avé will just hold her so carefully and gaze at her and say, "Look at her 'ittle eyes! And her 'ittle mouf! She precious! She a princess!" is just SO darn cute. Matthew asks to hold her a lot now too, and he just snuggles her close and gives her kisses, and points to her hair and her nose and her eyes (!) haha. He is totally cute with her, I love it.

So, that is the story of how Angelina joined our family. We are loving the "baby moon" and I am so excited to watch them all grow together. Such a special time!! We feel so blessed.

Wonderfully Birthed

Sharing my birth story, finally! (My son is 9 months old). I'm so grateful and happy for his beautiful birth and a healthy baby. I'm highlighting my midwife as I feel truly blessed to have had her and know that the birth could have been very different without her.

I had my son with Midwife 360 - owned by Fadwah Halaby. She's an Amazing midwife - she's one of the only midwife's in the area that I know who is an RN and does home and hospital births (she's based in Boca areas and has hospital privileges). I planned for a home birth and labored for over 24 hours at home. She knew I really wanted natural and did everything to support me while ensuring baby and I stayed safe. After about 28 hours she guided my husband and me into making the decision to go to the hospital (at no time did I ever feel she was forcing us into any decision which was wonderful). We moved to the hospital and she literally took care of checking us in and getting our labs rushed - something's that's not her job. She stayed with us the entire time, helped me to deliver as natural as possible (I needed a tiny amount of pit and eppy at the end because I was stuck at 7 for about 10 hours - I was having back labor). She actually had me pushing on my hands and knees and never told me when to push - even with the epidural as it was a very small amount). We delivered and she took care of the baby herself until a nurse she knew and trusted came into the room as she knew it was very important for me that they were gentle with the little guy. I completely had an amazing experience considering I was in labor for 36 hours (back labor hurts!!) and even though my birth didn't happen exactly as I had envisioned, it happened wonderfully. There were a few instances where another doctor could have called for a c-section but she balanced her medical training with her/my values for a natural birth -and her experience delivering over 1600 babies - and I had a wonderful, healthy baby!

Also wanted to highlight my wonderful birth team.  Zeresh Altork was my doula and supported me through Many false starts! I was almost 2 weeks overdue. She came over in the wee hours of the morning and stayed with us for over 24 hours straight :). And Jennifer Roberts was my midwife assistant (she's also a doula, helped me with belly wrapping after the baby came and I continue to see her for massage therapy). 

I'm truly grateful for all these wonderful ladies and so happy to have had them with us for the birth of our little guy.

My Miracle Baby

My birth story starts way before my daughters actual birth. From the very beginning I was high risk. I suffer from an autonomic disorder that affects my heart and blood pressure, and I was 35. So off the bat without any pregnancy complications, I was high risk. Then the unexpected happened.  At 6 weeks I woke up to severe bleeding. I of course panicked and went straight to the ER. It was the longest 2 hours of my life Sitting there waiting for the doctor to tell me the horrible news.  I just had this feeling that it wasn't going to be good with all that blood. Like how could this turn into good news? Major bleeding during pregnancy is just never a good sign.  The doctor came in. Still a heartbeat. Baby was ok for now. I had a threatened miscarriage and they found subchorinic hematomas in my uterus that were threatening the pregnancy. The doctors told me I could lose her at any time. So needless to say the first 25 weeks of this pregnancy I was an emotional  wreck. But I tried my best to stay level headed and be calm about the situation because I knew freaking out wasn't good for any of us, but deep down I was terrified. No one wants to lose their baby. No one. The subchorionic hematomas continued to cause trouble and more ER visits. Then at 22 weeks, we had a Down syndrome scare. I had 4 markers. We Decided we would go through with the amnio just to know if she in fact did have Downs. The wait seemed like forever. All I knew was that no matter what the outcome was, I would love that baby girl like no other, and whether or not she had Down's syndrome made no difference to me. I finally got the call that we had all been waiting for and listening to the doctor over the phone saying "there are no chromosomal abnormalities" baby girl is just fine. Tears just streamed down my face. She was ok. Once we got to 30 weeks I felt the biggest sigh of relief knowing that even if she were born now, everything would be fine. We finally got to our c-section date 3 days before Christmas, and I was extremely emotional. I couldn't wait to meet my daughter. I couldn't wait to hear her cry and to just hold my little miracle baby. At 7:55am on December 22, 2015, my little Ellie made her debut into this world. She was perfect and I didn't want to let her go. About 4 hours after her birth, she resided in her new home of the NICU for the remainder of the hospital stay. Her and I had incompatible blood types and her liver was having a difficult time getting rid of the bilirubin, so she was severely jaundice. So off she went into phototherapy for 4 days. I got to see her every 3 hours only for feedings. 20 minutes of feedings mind you. It was the weirdest feeling to be in the hospital for delivering a baby, and not have her with me. I was hell bent on breastfeeding because I had such a horrible experience with my first daughter. I longed for that bond with Ellie and couldn't wait for her to get better so I could hold her. I felt like the scene in dumbo where Dumbo's mom was caged and couldn't  hold him. We finally got the okay from our pediatrician that she was ok enough to come home but that we had to come back daily for tests to make sure she didn't need to be readmitted. I my friends got the greatest Christmas gift of all. We got to bring our beautiful baby home on Christmas Day.  It's been a little over 2 weeks since she's been born, and all this one wants to do is be in her mama's arms. I have loved every second so far of being Ellie's mom. She truly is my little miracle baby who defied all the odds against her. She was meant to be in this world and I was meant to be her mama. 

Butt First! Kolton Elias' Special Delivery

Sunday, June 30 (my due date), was a normal day. We went to church, came home, fed the kids, and we all took naps… Which was good, because it would be our last day of rest for a while. After naps we cleaned up the house, played with the kids, ate dinner and I got the urge to really scrub the bathroom down! I should've expected it since that was my burst of energy (which usually is a sign for me that baby is coming VERY soon). Around 11:30 that night I started having light contractions. I didn't take them too seriously and just went to bed. I then woke up at about four that morning with more regular contractions, but still not painful, and so I went back to sleep. Woke again at eight, I knew it was the real deal. Told Chris to stay home from work and I started timing them. They were about every five minutes lasting about 30 to 40 seconds. I called all the midwives, Doula, and the photographer and told them to just be on guard and it was going to happen today, but that I wanted to labor for as long as I could without anyone here. I then set to cleaning up around the house, made some homemade jelly, did some laundry, rested, took the kids for a walk and of course showered. The contractions stayed about the same all day long, around 4 PM they started getting more painful, but still manageable. They were starting to get more serious, but I held out calling for the Doula and midwives. Around six they were lasting about a minute long and I called the midwives to tell them the progress. My husband did some quick errands while I labored at home. My neighbor helped me blow up my birthing ball. Once I sat on it, it felt so great to sway back-and-forth on it. I lingered around this phase for another hour and a half before I called my Doula and ask her to come. She got here around 8:20 PM as well as my mom too. They fretted over me and helped me through the next 10 painful contractions… Then my water broke at 8:45 and everything went very quickly from there. My husband, by this point, was filling the birth pool with hot water that he had on the stove. We called the four midwives who were coming to assist us and the birth photographer. The midwives got here around 10 PM and they checked the baby and got things ready for the birth. My contractions were getting extremely painful by this point. I was already in the pool but was not laboring too well in it. The midwives wanted to check the position of the baby since we knew he had flipped breech the week before. I got out of the pool and laid on my bed. It was extremely difficult to lay on my back. Just as suspected, baby Kolton was still breach. At this point I did not have any doubts in my head that I could do this. I knew I could do it! But I was only still 7 cm and needed three more to go. I got back in the pool and suddenly felt the urge to pushed. A sound came out of my mouth that I have only ever heard in the wild, I roared like a lion. An extremely loud roar! Everyone did not expect it because I was laboring so well before this. They told me not to push since I was not dilated enough, but it was uncontrollable. I had to push. So I did! To everyone's amazement a butt started to come out. My three-year-old who was currently sleeping really wanted to see the birth so my mom quickly ran into her room and scooped her up and brought her out. Lilly was so excited and watched very intently and excitedly. I again roared and screamed with every push--our poor neighbors! Within seconds, I had pushed the butt and one leg out. Chris and my Doula Beth held me up in a squatting position for me to push the rest out. Within minutes, another leg and his torso was out, then his arms came out… All that was left was his head. As I squatted there, I could feel his squirming body dangling between my legs. I was determined to have his head out at the next push since I had read that the head has to be birth within 10 minutes of the rest of his body. I remember hearing Diane quoting, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." The next agonizing push I screamed and pushed with all my might and out popped his tiny little head. I scooped him up into my arms and the midwives helped me get the mucus out of his mouth and nose. He came out pink and screaming! He stayed on me for the next few minutes as the midwives tried to get the mucus out that he was struggling with. Finally, they cut the cord and took him aside to help him breathe easier. I then sat there and birthed the placenta. We made our way into the bedroom where I would nursed him for the first time. It was such a peaceful and amazing experience to have been able to birth a  baby breech and to know that I did it; I gave birth to a baby vaginally when all other doctors told me I couldn't and I would need a C-section. I found an amazing midwife who is trained in delivering breech babies vaginally and I thank God for bringing her and her other midwives into our lives. I thank God for an amazing husband who supported my needs and wants for natural birth at home. I thank God for all the wonderful people who helped me through it; whether it was physical help, mental help or even financial help. Giving birth naturally is very empowering; giving birth to a breech baby at home makes me feel like Superwoman and like I can do anything! I loved my homebirth and would not change anything! Kolton is now almost 2 weeks old, he was born at 7 lbs. 14 oz. and now weighs 8 lbs. 15 oz. He is such a good baby and an amazing breastfeeder--he has quite the appetite! Lilly and Kylan both love him to pieces and are constantly loving on him. We thank God for blessing us with this new addition to our little family.

To have your birth featured on Boca Birth, send it to bocabirth@gmail.com

Eleanor's Birth

After 1.5 years of trying to get pregnant, getting a positive test result was the happiest day of our lives! Soon after, the nausea started and it didn't let up.  I was so miserable and eventually on two different nausea medications.  I had wanted the most natural pregnancy and there I was, surviving with pharmaceuticals. 

At 26 weeks I began having preterm labor. I thought it was Braxton Hicks and kept going on. I finally called my OB's office and they told me to drink a lot of water, lay on my left side and they should stop. Well they didn't. When I went in to be checked, I had started to dilate and realized they were real contractions I had been having. A test called a fetal fibronectin test was given and this could determine if I would deliver within the next 2 weeks. A positive means there's a high likelihood, but not 100%. A negative meant negative. I received a positive test result. I was given steroid injections two days in a row to help Eleanor's lungs develop and put on bed rest. I was started on medications to help stop the contractions. We did not want Eleanor to come that early. 

Every week I remained pregnant was a relief. I made many trips to the hospital for preterm labor, but it was always able to be stopped. We had several non stress tests and biophysical profiles - meaning we saw Eleanor a lot!! 

At 32 weeks one of the OBs was concerned about Eleanor's size because of the medications I was on and the fact that my belly wasn't growing and ordered an ultrasound to check her growth. During this ultrasound, cysts were visible on both her kidneys. We followed up with another ultrasound at 35 weeks and the cysts were still there. We were told she had bilateral autosomal recessive polycystic kidney disease. After researching this, I truly believed I was going to lose my daughter. It appeared she would need both kidneys removed, daily dialysis, bilateral kidney transplant, or death. 

We were referred to maternal fetal medicine specialist and were able to see him at 36 weeks. The ultrasound there was more in depth and the tech didn't talk much to us. She did a lot of measuring and I could see the cysts every time she looked at Eleanor's kidneys. My heart had been slowly breaking for weeks and seeing her kidneys again had me terrified. 

She left and the doctor came to talk to us. He sat down and began the ultrasound again to show me as he started talking. Surprisingly he said her kidneys were perfect. The renal tubules were just very clear and looked like cysts. But her heart had holes. He showed me and all I kept thinking was "Her heart can be fixed!!!!" I was so happy. I am probably the only mom to smile when told her baby has holes in their heart. 

He immediately called a pediatric cardiologist and sent us for an echo that same day. After the echo, we went back to MFM to talk. He confirmed that Eleanor had a complete atrioventricular canal defect. He said this type of defect is highly associated with Down syndrome. He then looked through all Eleanor's ultrasound measurements and said her long bones measures short - also associated with Down syndrome. Having one marker wouldn't be alarming, but having these two meant she more than likely would have Down syndrome. 

He suggested against an amniocentesis to confirm because I could deliver at any time. By then I was already 3cm for several weeks. He said we needed to change hospitals to deliver at so Eleanor could be airlifted to the children's hospital if she needed it. He showed us around the labor and delivery unit and the NICU. 

We told our family about her heart, but we didn't mention Down syndrome. I told a few friends about the possibility of Ds and they all said the same thing - that Eleanor would be perfect. (I am so lucky to have the greatest friends in the world!!!)

Fast forward 2 weeks to when I was 38 weeks pregnant. I went into labor and progressed very quickly (start of labor to delivery was about 4.5 hours). When I woke up in the morning, I had a few cramps that just felt different.  I woke my husband up and told him to take the dogs out.  When he said he would in a few minutes, I said, "No, it needs to be now. I think I'm in labor." I called my doula, J, and she was actually at another birth! She gave me her backup doula's information (T)  and I called her.  T made childcare arrangements for her son and said she'd come over right after she dropped him off.  Within 30 minutes, I had called T back and said I think we need to meet at the hospital.  My contractions had gone from every 5 minutes to every 2 minutes in the 30 minutes since we had talked.  I arrived at the hospital at 5cm. We informed them I wanted a natural birth, but we knew we needed the NICU team present.  I was monitored for 30 minutes when we first got to the unit, but then was able to walk around and labor how I felt comfortable.  An IV was never started and no one asked if I wanted pain medication or anything (which I am SO glad).  Soon I was back in bed on hands and knees because walking was too hard.  My contractions were consistent with no break.  I labored in triage and they notified the NICU team that we were there.  I started feeling like I needed to go to the bathroom and T pushed for me to get into a room because she felt I was ready to start pushing.  By that point we had only been at the hospital for 2 hours. We barely made it out of triage before Eleanor came. 

Fortunately I was able to have as close to the birth experience I had hoped for. I had a completely natural birth thanks to the support of Ed and two amazing doulas - one with months of a talking and building a relationship with and one that was incredibly supportive the day of Eleanor's birth. The room was so full of doctors and nurses to ensure Eleanor was safe. After she was born, I saw her for a very brief second and she was whisked away to be assessed. The nurse brought her back to me less than 10 minutes later. They said she looked great and could stay with me for a little bit before she needed to go to the NICU. In that hour, we did skin to skin and she started to breastfeed. The OB that delivered her then told us they suspected she had Down syndrome. She suggested drawing blood to run a karyotype to find out for sure. But I already knew. 

I remember one of the residents saying great job shortly after Eleanor was born. In the NICU, all the doctors that rounded on Eleanor seemed OK. I don't have any recollection of negative comments or feelings. But I also don't remember a congratulations from anyone at the hospital. 

The next day we had a visitor from a local Down syndrome organization. She congratulated me. She was genuinely happy. She came with a bag of things for us and shared her story with us. She told me how beautiful Eleanor was. But I wasn't ready to talk to her. Ed had just told our families. I wasn't ready to talk and I wanted to be alone with my baby. But she was in the NICU and I felt trapped by all the family around. I spent most of the days in the NICU with Eleanor and during the nights, the nurse would come get me when she needed to nurse.  I am still very thankful that the whole team was so supportive of me nursing her, especially when they were so concerned about her intake and weight gain.  Not once did they offer/suggest formula or ask me to pump so they could record her intake.  Being able to breastfeed in the NICU is not something that is often able to happen. Breastfeeding a baby with Down syndrome can often be difficult because of low tone. Breastfeeding a heart baby is often difficult because of the high fatigue. I nursed on demand and was told to never let her go more than 3 hours without nursing.  We made it work. 

It wasn't until we were finally home and alone as a new family of three that I was able to process everything. We didn't have a bad experience and yet it was still a very emotional, difficult time to process everything.  We had expected a different baby. There was nothing wrong with Eleanor, we just weren't prepared for her. I had to grieve for the daughter I thought I was having. I wouldn't meet her. Over time, I couldn't imagine Eleanor any different.  

Journey Through IVF, Birth and the NICU

I'm going to start my birth story with our conception. My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for 6 months and I just had a gut feeling that something was wrong. I talked to my OB and he started putting me through lots of testing, a couple that were pretty invasive and painful. After he had done every test possible on me and everything coming back fine he referred us to in his words the best fertility Dr. That fertility Dr tested my husband and found out he has low sperm count, they don't swim, and they're misshapen-sometimes called triple defect. This was the first traumatizing thing to me. Why didn't the Dr test my husband first? His test is ejaculating in a cup..why did I have to have all these painful tests first??? I should have asked myself these questions then but when you're in the moment all you care about is finding answers so you can get pregnant.

Next step is moving forward with fertility treatments. The Dr wanted to do a trial transfer which should be an easy procedure of just threading a catheter to the uterus. For some reason this was so, so painful. I had went to the appointment alone b/c I thought it was going to be simple. I was crying on the table, uncontrollable crying from the pain. After 30 mins the Dr finally stopped and said we would have to try again later. I was so angry, upset, confused..

A few days later I was chatting with a neighbor and mentioned that my hubby and I were going to do in vitro. She said please talk to my wife, she's a Dr of Chinese Medicine and specializes in acupuncture in conjunction with fertility treatments. I had lived next to her for 2 years and never realized she did this! We met with her and she begged us to get a second opinion from another fertility Dr. We did and we knew that our previous Dr was a clown. Our new Dr was amazing and we were so happy to have finally found him. My neighbor also suggested a different OB as well. I met who she suggested and LOVE her. I felt like we finally had the perfect "team" to have a baby!

We did in vitro with ICSI. The physical process is not that hard, I'm a nurse so needles don't scare me. The emotional aspect is the hard part. My fertility Dr is not a fan of implanting multiple embryos. He told me "you're healthy and young, we are going to get at least 10 viable embryos, we will implant one, and freeze the rest for future children if you wish". At my egg retrieval they got 16 eggs, 14 were mature enough to fertilize. The transfer was 6 days later and by that time only 2 of the embryos had developed. This is strange b/c usually at least 75% develop. Something went wrong but there wasn't really any way to tell what happened. Because of this my Dr felt it was best to implant both, he also said they wouldn't freeze just one egg. During the embryo transfer the Dr said there was something really strange, I had what she called a "blind passage" it's like a tunnel to no where. She felt like it would lead to my uterus but didn't. She was able to find the right passage to my uterus and implant the embryos. After telling her about my extremely painful trial transfer with the other Dr she said there's a good chance he created that passage trying to get to my uterus not using ultrasound guidance and that's what was so painful. More anger but moving onto happy things. When we found out we were pregnant I can't explain the amount of joy. When we heard two heartbeats at 5 1/2 weeks pregnant we were so happy, excited, scared...

I went into labor just shy of 30 weeks and was in the hospital until I delivered the girls via c section at 30 weeks 5 days. I can get over the disappointing c section part b/c I know that's what was best for my girls. The traumatizing part was leaving them in the NICU for 6 1/2 weeks. Thank God for pumping because that's what I focused on,  making milk for my girls. They did really well in the NICU with minimal intervention which I am so thankful for. I just cry thinking about them being alone in a little isolette. Babies are meant to held, cuddled. I did skin to skin with them every day and was there all the time but in the beginning could only hold then for an hour a day. I feel so much guilt thinking about the lack of Mommy time they had in the beginning. It was also really hard to bond with them while they were still in the hospital. It almost felt like I didn’t have babies because they weren’t at home with us.

Now they're 6 months old and most ppl I know call them "spoiled". They're well loved. I nurse and rock them to sleep. Hold them while they nap, literally all naps, they've maybe been put in a seat to sleep a handful of times. And at night they still sleep on my chest. I feel like we are making up for lost time and I know I'll never regret doing any of these things.

I've never actually taken the time to write this story out and it does feel good. I hope with time the guilt/trauma of this lessens. For now, I'll keep "spoiling" my babies 😊