Angelina is sleeping next to me in the boppy and my mom and sister took Avé & Matthew to My Gym, so I'm going to attempt to write her birth story. I will warn you, it is epically long!
I'm starting on Sunday, because that is when I felt emotionally the labor began. After Mass that day Justin went golfing and I was going to meet my mom and sister at Target. We got out of Mass at 1 and I was there by 1:20. At 1:40 I still hadn't heard from my mom, and when they finally did call about 10 minutes later she said they were just leaving, and asked if I minded running in to look for the dress that she wanted to buy. I hung up the phone and started crying. I was so sore, my hips were killing me, we didn't have the double stroller so I would have to get a 1 year old and a 2 year old out of the car by myself and load them up in the cart and everything. I was feeling so tired and achey and overwhelmed and I just felt like I needed HELP, and there was no one to help me. And most of me felt totally ridiculous because really? Taking them out of the car and pushing a cart around Target should NOT be a herculean effort. But I was 40+ weeks pregnant and just barely hanging on at that point.
Anyway, after I cried I sucked it up and loaded them in the cart and pushed them around. Due to a miscommunication, my mom and sister ended up going to a DIFFERENT Target, which we didn't discover until another 40 minutes into me walking them all around Target. I felt like crying again, but the little ones were being so good and I figured walking wasn't going to do me any harm (except make me feel like my hips were breaking), so I decided to grab a frappuccino so that the trip to Target wasn't a total waste. I got my caramel frap and some snacks for the kids, loaded them back up in the car by myself, and headed to my parents around 3.
We had a nice dinner over there, and joked about the chocolate cream pie my mom made kick-starting my labor that night. I had had no signs of anything except for stronger braxton hicks all day. But, I had had those for at least 4-5 days prior to this too, and they would just come and go. On the drive home Justin was in the volvo and I was driving the expedition, and as we were heading down I-4 I just lost it again. I was envisioning the week stretched out ahead of me, nothing planned because the baby was supposed to be here already; I was 41 weeks pregnant tomorrow according to the ultrasound and 40+1 according to my ovulation date, so either way I looked at it I was overdue. The physical strain was just too much, I felt like I had been waiting so patiently and it looked like nothing was happening.
This song was on the radio and it was what made me cry, the refrain goes like this:
Hey now, this is my desire
consume me like a fire
'cause I just want something beautiful to touch me
I know that I'm in reach
'cause I am down on my knees
waiting for something beautiful.
I felt so.. I don't know. Like I was waiting and waiting for this beautiful gift and it was never going to come. I wanted labor to start and I wanted it to consume me so we could meet our beautiful baby. I felt so ready, and I didn't know why it had to drag on so long, I was praying and saying "Why God, what do you want from me? I feel ready, why am I not ready?? I could have had this baby weeks ago and now both of my due dates are gone and I guess I am still not ready. Please let me know what I need to do to be ready for the baby, I just want to see the beautiful end of this, and be able to go back to taking care of my other children and being "normal" again."
So, yeah, I cried until we got home and then I stopped, we put the kids to bed, and then we went and got ready for bed, too.
Around midnight baby got hiccups (normal) and I flipped open my laptop and laid around for a while waiting for them to stop. She always hiccupped really vigorously in the womb and she would smack right up against my hip bones or my pelvis or whatever and it was super uncomfortable. Around 1 I started feeling like I had to pee (again.. normal) so I went, and when I wiped, there was pink mucous on the paper.
That is when I made the lj entry b/c I was excited! Normally people get discharge like that during pregnancy but you could throw me off a building when I'm pregnant and I wouldn't spot. I figured it must mean something was happening, so I got back in bed all excited.
I noticed that the braxton hicks were coming in more of a pattern, and some of them were starting to intensify. I decided to sleep through them figuring I'd wake up in labor. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned and around 3 decided I couldn't sleep anymore, so I opened up the laptop again and started timing them on contraction master. I timed them until 4:30a.m. when I was soooo tired I was dozing off with my eyes closed the whole time, and when I would time them I'd forget to push start/stop at the right time. They were coming anywhere from 3-7 minutes apart. Some of them were very intense, and some were very mild. They were finally close enough that I thought I should wake up Justin.
I woke up Justin and told him I thought I was in labor. He jumped up out of bed and got dressed (lol!) and then sat on the yoga ball and started timing them for me. Whenever I would get up to go pee or anything, they would taper off to about 10 minutes apart. I tried bouncing on the yoga ball and that made them let up, too. It was so weird. If I laid in bed and relaxed they would return to coming every 5ish minutes. Around 5 a.m. we called my parents and told them we thought I was in labor so they should head over. They got here around 5:30 and by then I was feeling really frustrated because the contractions were spacing out again to like 5-10 minutes apart. Also, half of them were intense and half were really mild. Justin called our midwife, Michelle, and I got on the phone with her and told her what was going on (since he was making it sound like we needed to come in and I was feeling like it was NOT time yet); she said wait a little until they were all more intense.
At 6 they were back to 10-15 minutes apart, and I was extremely grumpy, extremely frustrated, and extremely TIRED having not slept a wink all night. I told Justin I was just going to sleep, and he probably should too. He was really disappointed and that just pissed me off!! Lol. Anyway he got back into bed with me and we slept until about 8:30.
At 8:30 I woke up to a painful one, and then laid around until 9 and they were still maybe 10 minutes apart. So, not close together but very uncomfortable. The yard guy got here and wanted to mow the lawn and Justin disappeared until about 9:30. He also asked him to come back a different day because I was so grumpy ("NO tell him to leeeave, he is gong to wake the kids up, and wake up my sister and parents, and everyone is sleeping and I don't want them to wake up yet," whine whine rawr etc). While he did that I laid around in bed in tears because I didn't know WTF my body was doing, I figured this could be early labor and it was going to last for days, I was doing some more "WHY GOD WHY," and then I decided that I was going to the birth center to get checked out anyway. If there was nothing they could do I was going to tell them to send me to the hospital and give me the pitocin and the epidural, whatever, I just wanted it over and the baby out. And then I was bummed b/c it was NOT fair that I was not going to get my birth center birth, etc.
Justin came back in and got me my phone, and I called over to heart 2 heart and told them what was going on. They told me to come on in to be checked, so I got up, put on one of Justin's old baseball shirts and some soffees and threw my hair into a ponytail. My face was all puffy from crying and I just felt like total crap. During the contractions the night before I had gotten REALLY dizzy, like, my eyes were closed but the room was still spinning like crazy to me the whole time. When I woke up I had a horrible headache and I could barely open my eyes - so I was a little worried that something else might be going on that was making me feel so terrible.
We got to heart 2 heart at 10, and the student midwife took me back to one of the birth rooms. It was very dark and quiet and I had some contractions in the car and while we were there. I was feeling so discouraged, I knew I probably wasn't dialated very far, there was nothing they could do for me, and I just wanted to cry. In fact I did cry! I described what was happening to Michelle and Misti (the student midwife) and they were kind of like "Oh well, discharge like that is normal... just cervical fluid.. the contractions are only 10 minutes apart? Yeah so that is not labor yet.." I wanted to die. Then they offered to check me and I agreed - MIsti did and she said I was "3-4 centimeters and 50% effaced". She made a motion to Michelle with her hand, which I didn't know at the time but it meant I was a good 4cm and she could actually (easily) stretch me further.
They also checked to see if my water had broken because I had been feeling small gushes, but determined that I was intact. So, after that we sat for al little bit and they were kind of "hmmm"-ing. They told me they'd give me some black & blue cohosh homeopathic thing, which I asked about (since I heard b&b cohosh can affect the baby's heart rate, etc). They explained it was the actual herb strained out so it was just the properties of it, in essence a very very mild version of traditional black & blue cohosh (homeopathic, not herbal?) and it was not associated with those same affects, unless I were to take it a multiple times a day for like weeks in a row. They said if I was truly in labor it would help the contractions pick up and get a better pattern, and if I wasn't it wouldn't do anything.
As I was leaving, I must have looked very discouraged because Michelle came back out and was like, "We are all taking bets as to when you will be back. We think you'll go really fast once you get into active labor." and I was like, "Oh.. really?" Justin said "Do you think it will be today?" and she said, "Well my guess is definitely within the next 24 hours.. and I am usually right!" but I kind of laughed it off because I figured she was just saying that to make me feel better. Obviously there is no way anyone knows for sure.. but I did feel a little better know they thought I would be back. She then said, "Lynn, you could stay here if you wanted to. It is up to you. Or just stay close - why don't you head over to the riverfront, have some lunch, take a stroll and look at the boats, sit on a bench swing and see what your contractions do." We looked at each other and said "Sounds great!"
We got into the car and I was like, "Oh good thing I grabbed my make up bag.. and good thing you brought the baby bag!" I finally felt excited like labor might be happening today. (Justin kept saying, "Its ok, you are just grumpy because you are in labor." and I'd say, "No, I'm grumpy because I'm not IN labor yet and I WANT to be!" I didn't feel like the early labor was the "real" labor yet like I had experienced last time with Matthew). We headed over to downtown Sanford and ate at a little cafe we like. I had some soup since I was hungry but not super starving, and my contractions really picked up in intensity. We were trying to time them but the website wasn't working well from our phone and the app wouldn't download right. I texted my sister and said I'd be surprised if there was no baby today because things were really picking up! We finished up and I told Justin we should hurry up and do some walking because they were starting to feel really strong.
We started walking around, first up and down by all of the shops, trying to stay underneath the awning because it was about 11:30 and really hot already. We walked down by the marina and looked at the sailboats, and sat on the swings for a bit and walked along the river side. We couldn't get the contraction timer to work, and they were spacing themselves back out again as I walked - back to every 10ish minutes. I was SOOOOOO sad and frustrated, it was really freaking hot. I was doing the b&b cohosh doses and at first it felt like it was helping but then they went back to being irregular. Justin suggested we go home so he could download the contraction app, and I wanted to cry again. I was like, "What are we going to do at home?? I feel like I'm supposed to be DOING something to make these consistent!" so he was like, "Well, we could go walk on the treadmills at the gym since it is so hot out.. want to do that?" and I was like, "No!" :) Oh how difficult I was, haha. I was just so frustrated. Finally I said, "Fine, I guess I'll just go home and take a nap." I felt like I was admitting failure. So, back in the car we got and we went home.
We got home around 12:30 and I immediately went into the room to lay down and take a nap. My mom and sister had A & M back in their rooms so they didn't see me (I didn't feel like I could deal with them wanting to see me/hold them and the pain of the contractions). Justin helped them load up in the car and they took them to the mall for some shopping and playing. I dozed off for about 45 minutes, and woke up to more contractions. Justin got the app working and we started timing them about 1:30. They went like this (start at the bottom):
StartTime EndTime Duration Frequency Note
14:52:07 14:52:33 00:26 3m, 10s
14:48:56 14:49:52 00:56 4m, 18s
14:44:37 14:45:28 00:51 3m, 15s
14:41:22 14:42:44 01:22 4m, 12s
14:37:09 14:37:54 00:45 5m, 10s
14:31:58 14:33:02 01:04 3m, 15s
14:28:42 14:29:38 00:56 2m, 50s
14:25:52 14:26:46 00:54 4m, 32s
14:21:20 14:22:29 01:09 8m, 51s
14:12:28 14:13:46 01:18 3m, 19s
14:09:09 14:09:22 00:13 1m, 15s
14:07:53 14:09:08 01:15 6m, 19s
14:01:34 14:02:51 01:17 4m, 24s
13:57:10 13:58:12 01:02 3m, 42s
13:53:27 13:54:16 00:49 5m, 54s
13:47:33 13:49:10 01:37 4m, 57s
13:42:36 13:43:35 00:59 6m, 30s
13:36:05 13:37:32 01:27 4m, 5s
13:32:00 13:32:27 00:27 1m, 57s
13:30:02 13:30:49 00:47 3m, 40s
13:26:21 13:27:19 00:58 2m, 36s
13:23:45 13:24:28 00:43 4m, 53s
13:18:51 13:20:18 01:27 5m, 57s
13:12:53 13:13:48 00:55 3m, 16s
13:09:37 13:10:21 00:44 ---
During that hour they were starting to pick up - they were FINALLY moving from the "really uncomfortable" stage to "painful and I have to breathe through them" stage. FINALLY. I was like, "Ok, this IS doing something real!" We decided to get in the car to go to the birth center, because I didn't want to wait too long like I did with Matthew and get there too late to enjoy the hot tub. I was a little worried that with me getting up and moving to the car they would stop again, but I figured if they did we could just drive around. I went to the bathroom before we left and noticed bloody show - YES!
We got to the birth center by 3, and headed back - all of the rooms were empty and we chose the one we had been in that morning. Justin noted it looked like a cave - all dark with beautiful scrolling paintings on the wall, and it had a tub in the corner of the room and a bed in the center. It felt like the right one - quiet, dark, soothing. I mentioned I wanted to get in the tub, and they said they'd check me and I had to be at least a 6 before I could get in. She checked me and I was 6-7cm, 80% effaced, and she could stretch me further! Woo-hoo, active labor it was, I could get in. Misti started the tub water and then left, and Justin helped me get on my swimsuit top and took a few last belly pictures. I labored through a few contractions standing up with Justin, and discovered it felt really good if he put pressure on my sacrum during a contraction.
Michelle came through and I asked if I could get in - she said, yup! so I got into the water and it felt soooo good. All day even between contractions I still had an aching feeling throughout my body and cramping that felt like period cramps so the warm water immediately took away all of that. My joints felt better, the pressure lightened up immensely - it was soooo relaxing. I was able to really, really relax between contractions. I was in the tub for about an hour, riding out the contractions which were slowly getting stronger and stronger, and enjoying relaxing in the water in between.
After that hour I found I was starting to get shaky. I also started to moan through the contractions. The midwives were quietly coming in and out of the room periodically, and when Misti came in around then she went and got Michelle - they came back and were like, "What are you doing, trying to have a baby without us?" :) they were teasing because I was moving so quickly (although it didn't feel quick at the time!) My arms were shaking even between contractions and I suddenly felt really hot and started dripping with sweat on my forehead. I decided to get out of the tub for a bit and in the back of my mind I figured I was approaching transition. The midwife suggested I try peeing, so I hobbled over and peed and then came back and stood next to the bed. Justin was there and I would lean over in his arms during a contraction and let him support all of my weight. I started "ohhhh ohhhh owwwwww"-ing my way through them, and the midwife came over to check the heart tones. She told me to concentrate on the vibrations from my voice during the contractions, and I tried to do that. She had me lay on my left side so she could try to find the heartbeat, and I had a couple of contractions while she did that. Justin took pics:
After she had listened to the heartbeat, I knelt on the bed and put my arms around Justin's shoulders so he could hold me during the contractions. I could tell it was getting close but not there yet, and that point was SO HARD. I was thinking in the back of my mind, "Why did I choose this?? I want to be numb from the waist down! What the heck was I thinking!!" I didn't say it out loud though. It hurt sooo much, I could feel the baby moving down, it felt like my tailbone was being separated from my body and my hips were feeling all kinds of intense pressure and pain. I kept trying to avoid thinking of it as pain. During the contractions I'd "owwwww" or say "baby baby baby" to remind myself that a baby was coming. I remember Justin had been telling me to "Breathe in, breathe out the pain" and I told him to STOP, I couldn't do ANYthing during a contraction but focus on the pain - breathing like that was not helping anymore. I asked him to tell me, "You're ok! Its ok, you are ok" during them and that helped. I'd tell myself "You're ok you're ok" and he would say it too and it made me believe I was not, in fact, dying.
We did that for a while and I started feeling just so much more sharp pain in my hips and tailbone, so I decided to get back in the water because I remembered how that eased all of the pressure. I got in and it did help a lot, and then they got REALLY bad. I was just saying "ow ow ow ow owwww!!!!" and moving in the water and trying to make it better, and nothing was working. I remember Justin saying to the midwife at one point, "I feel so bad, I hate seeing her in pain." They were telling me all kinds of encouraging things, and I was just so overcome by the pain I could hardly hear them. They would say, "You are doing a great job! You're a pro! Awesome!" And I remember thinking "Are you kidding me?? I am just barely surviving! How is that awesome!" My eyes were closed and I also remember thinking "Now I know why they give women a stick or something to bite on!!" b/c I just felt so "AHHH!" about it. I also said (out loud) "Oh man, I am NEVER doing this again." And then I started to feel like maybe it was time to push.
I did some little pushes without telling anyone and the midwife was like "Are you pushing??" I said yes, and she said, "Well let me check you really quick just to make sure it is ok so you don't do any damage if you aren't fully there yet." I laid back in the water which totally sucked, I preferred to be on my knees with my arms hanging over the side. She checked me and I had just an anterior lip left, so she told me I needed to wait a few contractions before pushing so I could finish dialating. She did try to see if she could push it out of the way during a contraction, but that HURT so I asked her (yelled?) "Stop please, no, I can't!!" and she did. So, then I moved back into leaning over the side of the tub so I could let my body finish dialating. That was HORRIBLE. I rode out 5-6 contractions like that, and then I just HAD to push, so I started with little pushes and then after a few of those I started pushing for real. Misti asked if I was pushing again, I said yes, and she asked if I could feel the baby's head. I reached down and felt and said, "yup!" so she told me to go ahead and push.
It was really cool being able to feel the baby while I was pushing. They had asked me when I was at that stage with Avé and Matthew if I wanted to feel it and I was too freaked out to. This time I had no choice because I was positioned in the corner of the tub, with my arms on the ledge leaning forward. I started pushing at 4:45. I did a few pushes and could feel the very smooth, round head of the baby and I remember saying, "Baby feels bald!" all of a sudden baby was crowning, and the next second I felt a pop and something bursting. I remember yelping (Justin's description) and saying, "OHMYGOD, I TORE!!" I paused and the head was still cradled in my hands, and then I felt a little bit and could tell that while there was some stinging, I could still feel my skin and I wasn't torn in half like I thought. Then I was like, "Oh wait, never mind, no I didn't!" and continued pushing. Another push or two and her head was out.
After her head came out, I expected the shoulders to come out smoothly. I had a long break where I was just breathing, not really feeling any pain, and then I could feel her feet kicking and some wiggling and I was like, "Oh ow ow ow I feel her moving." The midwives reminded me that she was supposed to be moving - turning. It started to feel like my hips were breaking and she was just STUCK. Everyone (the 2 midwives and Justin) started telling me to change position and turn over on my back. Justin said I was like huddled in the corner going, "Nope! I can't! Not moving! NOPE!" He was about to jump in and help me turn, but then one of the midwives grabbed one arm and he put his arm behind me and held one of my legs and they helped me turn onto my back. I remember one of the midwives saying, "Ok, well you HAVE to," and I was like, "mean!" but I turned over. Once I got on my back I said, "Oh ok, ok, this isn't too bad." Then I had a contraction and I was trying to push, and it HURT, I was yelling OW OW IT HURTS OWWW! and one of the midwives put her hand down and I screamed, "Stop! It feels like you are pushing the baby back in! STOP!" and she stopped and said, "Believe me, I am not doing that!! I'm trying to get the baby OUT!" her shoulders were a little bit stuck. She had to wiggle them loose and that REALLY hurt, I was yelling and it felt like I had a million hands in me and a huge baby stuck and then suddenly she was free, they told me to open my eyes and like a very surreal moment there was a baby in the water coming right to my chest!
I turned her to face me and she opened her eyes and blinked and just stared at me. She had a lot of vernix and was not crying at all. Michelle grabbed the CO2 and held it in front of her nose, and we jiggled her and patted her encouraging her to cry. After a few minutes she finally started crying/making noises, and I kind of breathed a sigh of relief. Michelle said, "there he goes!" and I said, "Is it a boy??" (and thought it could be because of all the dark hair like Matthew) and she looked at me and said "I have no idea!" They checked and Justin said, "it is a girl!" and we laughed and were like, we KNEW it!!!
I held her on my chest while we waited for the cord to stop pulsing and we stared at each other some more. I was SO glad it was over and SOOOO tired! :) After the cord stopped, Justin cut it and took her so I could birth the placenta, which came out really easily. The midwives helped me to the bed, and they checked me for tears - nothing! and got me comfortable with some juice and then Justin handed her to me to nurse and have some skin to skin time.
Afterwards both of our families came in, my parents and Sara had Avé and Matthew, and Justin's mom and sister were there too. Justin went to get me pancakes from Denny's (my choice) and everyone just ooooh-ed and ahhhhhh-ed over her. Avé got to hold her and was THRILLED to death. Matthew just wanted to hug me (both of which made my heart melt). A few hours later, my parents took the little ones home to put to bed, and Justin and I loaded up our brand new baby in the car and headed home, where I placed her in his arms and went to bed and passed out. I was soooooo tired!!
So, we are home now and so far she is the most content, mellow baby EVER! Somehow I got blessed with a newborn who will sleep longer than 1-2 hours at a time (the most my others would sleep). She slept 6 hours the first night, 7 the second, and then 4-5 from there on out. Her cord fell off today (6 days old!) and, I don't know, she just fits our family so well. It feels like she was always here! I am so content to just hold her and stare at her. We had some trouble nursing (just sore boobs) so I went and saw the LC at heart 2 heart when she was 3 days old and she helped us immensly. It is funny that she is my third and I still needed help! I guess it just shows they are all different. She overall is a great little nurser though, and it is finally starting to not hurt quite so much, so hopefully that will subside soon.
Our families have been great; my mom and Sara kept A & M Monday and Tuesday, and then Wednesday my mom left (she had to work and stuff) and Sara stayed until Friday and took them to the park Weds, and My Gym Thursday and Friday so that I could stay home and rest and stare at my baby. She cleaned everything up, did laundry while they napped, and baked chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes from scratch on Friday. I love my little sis <3. My mom's group was wonderful and organized someone to bring us meals all this week and next week so we haven't had to worry about dinner. Tomorrow is Memorial Day and Justin has off, and then Tuesday will be my first day alone with all 3. My mom has the next 2 weeks off though so I think she will come over some days. Although she has a torn ligament in her shoulder, so she can't do much (she only has use of one arm right now!) but it is still nice to have someone here.
Avé and Matthew have been adjusting really well. They LOVE her. I love, love, love watching them together. It makes the whole sucky end of pregnancy and painful delivery SO worth it. Avé will just hold her so carefully and gaze at her and say, "Look at her 'ittle eyes! And her 'ittle mouf! She precious! She a princess!" is just SO darn cute. Matthew asks to hold her a lot now too, and he just snuggles her close and gives her kisses, and points to her hair and her nose and her eyes (!) haha. He is totally cute with her, I love it.
So, that is the story of how Angelina joined our family. We are loving the "baby moon" and I am so excited to watch them all grow together. Such a special time!! We feel so blessed.
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